Over the last few years I believed I was single because I was overweight. I had little confidence, never felt good enough, and never believed it if anyone showed any interest.
On my recent trip to London friends asked: now that I’m ‘less fat’ (as was kindly pointed out to me), surely I must have met someone? Isn’t that a little offensive? It doesn’t say much for men in general. And why would I want to be with someone whose only concern is the way I look? What if I put on all that weight again??
That aside, I think I’m single because I don’t know how to play ‘the game’. I have been told this constantly over the years and was recently reminded of it. But:
- I loathe ‘games’
- ‘Games’ imply that there’s a winner and a loser – and the loser is usually me because I don’t follow ‘the rules’
- Aren’t there more important things to think about other than: Should I call him? If he doesn’t call me, then should I call him? Do I really have to wait three days to text him? How soon is too soon? Why hasn’t he called? If he calls on Saturday to meet that night and I’m free, should I go? Or am I being too ‘available’?
How mentally exhausting is that?
It’s simple: if you don’t hear from me, I’m not playing hard to get. I’m just not interested. And the reverse applies: If I want to see you, I’ll suggest meeting up. Is there any harm in contacting someone (not incessantly, of course) and asking them if they want to meet?
The only game I can compare dating to is tennis (because I know the rules and they make sense). I get to serve (call/text) twice – if you can’t return the serve at least once, then you’re not good enough to be on my court.
But I have to say being single has its benefits too. I can do what I want when I want without having to check with anyone. My time is my own – I spend it however I like. It’s easy.
I had an interesting conversation with a friend this week. He said I didn’t look my age (in fact, he thought I was in my early 30s, bless him). I told him it was probably because I had no responsibilities to stress about. His response (which made me laugh out loud) was this:
Haggard – nag, husband, kids, school run, brat, garbage, argument, sleep in separate rooms, argue, kids, brat, homework, schools, fees, mortgage, university application, daughter’s boyfriend, brat, work, nag
Fresh and young – mani, pedi, spa, massage, personal trainer, pool, Novikov, Bali, spa, lobster, Annabel’s
I know which I’d rather have. For now, anyway.
I’m not saying I want to be single forever. If and when the right person comes along, I’ll give it a shot. Do I really have anything to lose?
Until then I’ll be hanging out with my friends, drinking mojitos, writing a novel, sunbathing at the pool, going to salsa night and wine club.
And practising my serve.
Notes by Nectar 